Marriage does not thrive primarily on compatibility, communication techniques, or emotional alignment. It thrives on spiritual order.
Before marriage is emotional or practical, it is covenantal. And every covenant God establishes comes with ordinances. These ordinances are not suggestions. They are spiritual pathways designed to channel grace and guard the marriage from decay.
At Called to Marriage, we teach this clearly:
When God is first, marriage finds its rhythm.
God’s Design for Marriage Is About Flow, Not Control
Scripture presents marital roles not as power structures, but as channels.
Wives are called to submit.
Husbands are called to love.
Both are called to mutual submission.
Neither is permitted to defile the covenant.
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
These commands are not about superiority or worth. They are about alignment. Where alignment exists, grace, honor, order, and fruitfulness flows.
When Feelings Become the Filter, Grace Slows
Many marriages struggle not because couples reject God, but because they delay obedience until conditions feel safe.
A wife says, “I will submit when he becomes more loving.”
A husband says, “I will love when she becomes more respectful.”
Both responses feel reasonable. Both place understanding and self-gratification ahead of obedience.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding.”
When feelings become the gatekeeper of obedience, spiritual flow is disrupted. Not as punishment, but as consequence.
The Closed Door Principle in Marriage
God does not force grace through resistance.
When His ordinances are ignored, the door does not slam shut. It simply remains unopened.
“God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.”
In marriage, pride often sounds like self-protection. Humility sounds like obedience offered first.
Obedience Is Alignment With God First, Not Agreement With Your Spouse
One of the most important truths we teach at Called to Marriage is this:
obedience is an act of worship, not endorsement of your spouse’s behavior.
A wife who submits in reverence to God is honoring God first.
A husband who loves sacrificially is honoring God first.
“And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God.
The fear of God anchors obedience when emotions fluctuate. If your allegiance is first to God, your spouse becomes the beneficiary of that. This understanding is what truly provides a solid ground in marriage throughout the varying seasons of life. God is unquestionably the standard, first. It is the fulcrum around which all godly character revolves, and without it we become mere reactionary beings to the waves and circumstances of life.
Grace Meets Obedience, Not the Other Way Around
Many couples wait for strength before they obey. Scripture teaches that strength comes through obedience.
All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.
Marriage cannot be sustained by willpower alone; it doesn’t even come close. It must be sustained by grace. And grace flows through alignment with God’s order.
Marriage Is Formation, Not Performance
Marriage was never meant to be a stage for self-expression. It is a context for spiritual formation.
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.
When marriage is framed as discipleship, obedience becomes purposeful. God uses marriage to form humility, patience, and trust. These are not developed in comfort. They are shaped through surrender.
A Core Called to Marriage Conviction
At Called to Marriage, we believe many marriages struggle not because couples lack effort, but because they lack order.
When God’s Word is honored, grace follows.
When obedience is offered swiftly, doors open.
When marriage aligns with heaven’s design, what once felt heavy becomes sustained.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Obedience is not the loss of freedom. It is the doorway into grace.
Call to Action: An Invitation, Not Pressure
If this resonates with you, please pause and reflect on one question:
Where have I delayed obedience in my marriage while waiting for things to feel easier or fairer?
We invite you to take one faithful step today. Not to fix your spouse. Not to fix your marriage. But to realign your heart with God’s order.
If you want to grow deeper in Christ-centered marriage formation, join our Called Community community, where we walk with couples (and singles) who are committed to honoring God first, not just feeling good.
If this encouraged you, I think you’ll find 3 Steps to Letting Go of Control in Marriage helpful as well.