We Know What to Do. We Just Can't Do It Alone.

I'm very sure you'll agree with me on this: we don't have an information shortage crisis.

Not when it comes to marriage. Not when it comes to relationships. Not when it comes to most of the things people struggle with in life.

We have enough information these days. You can search sophisticated questions and get answers. You can go to any AI model, ask complex questions, and still find somewhere to start. You're never left with zero information.

So acquiring or assessing information is no longer the problem.
What, then, is the problem?

Execution.

It's not that people don't know what to do. In many cases, they do. Yes, there's nuance. Sometimes you know what to do but not how to do it. I get that. But there's ample information out there.

The real problem is execution. Hand-holding. Working together. Walking through things with people, not just telling them what to do.

And the more my wife and I interact with couples, the clearer it becomes: people need help. And the kind of help they need isn't more information. It's community; support and clear guidance.

In our first year of marriage, we faced a challenge we couldn't navigate alone. Mark and Selina, a seasoned Christian couple, walked with us through those struggles. Their wisdom helped us see what we couldn't see ourselves.

We wouldn't have figured it out on our own. That's the power of community.

There's never been a time in history where the need for community has been so acute.

People need community right now. They don't need another course that walks them through something without any touch points. You can go online and find a course. I'm sure it'll present some good information. But then that's it. Information overload without action, or with very little action.

They need someone to walk through things with them. To model things. To say, "Here's what we did when we faced that. Here's what worked. Here's what didn't."

Many of the marriages we've seen crumble have one thing in common: they were isolated, to some degree or at some point in the lifetime of the relationship.

And we know this even from the animal kingdom. Animals that move away from the pack become vulnerable to predators. They're easier to attack, easier to pick off.

There's strength in holding hands together.

I truly believe that most marriages would survive with just a little committed support.

If you had a strong support system, even just one couple in your corner that you can check in with, it could make all the difference. Ideally, they're more experienced than you. Godly. Offering godly wisdom. And they have the fruit to back it up.

Not just because they've been married for a long time, but because you look at their home and you can say, "I want what they have. I respect how they love each other."

That's what Mark and Selina were for us. And what my wife and I are trying to be for others now is simply paying it forward.

So how do you find or build this kind of community?
Let me give you some practical guidance.

Look for couples who embody what you want.

Don't just join any group or latch onto any couple. Look for people whose marriage you actually respect. Who model the kind of partnership you're trying to build.

Watch how they interact. How they resolve conflict. How they talk about each other. How they prioritize their relationship, and ultimately how they honor the Lord.

If their marriage reflects what you want yours to become, that's a good first sign.

Look for godly wisdom, not just longevity.

Being married for 30 years doesn't automatically make someone a good mentor. Some people have been married for decades and are just as stuck as they were in year two.

Look for couples who are growing. Who are humble. Who point you to Scripture and to Christ, not just to their own opinions.

You want counselors who lead you to wisdom, not just experience.

Look for authenticity, not perfection.

You don't need a couple who has it all together. You need a couple who's honest about their struggles and willing to share what they've learned.

Perfection isn't relatable. Authenticity is.

If a couple can say, "We went through something similar, and here's how we worked through it," that's far more valuable than someone who pretends they never struggle.

Look for commitment, not convenience.

Community isn't just showing up when it's easy. It's checking in regularly. It's being there in hard seasons, not just celebratory ones.

Find people who are willing to invest. Who will ask how you're doing and actually wait for an honest answer. Who will pray for you, follow up with you, and walk with you over time.

Maybe you're thinking, "That sounds great, but I don't have that. I don't know where to find it."

Then be the initiator.

Look around you. In your church. In your neighborhood. Online. Identify two or three young couples who seem to be in a similar season.

Walk up to them and say, "Hey, do you mind spending some time with us? Maybe we could get together once a month, check in with each other, pray together, share what we're learning."

It doesn't have to be formal. It doesn't have to be complicated. It just has to be intentional.

Here are some conversation starters to help you get going:

Simple questions. But they open the door to real connection.

And if you don't find community in your physical space, use your online presence. Social media. Group chats. Video calls. Community platforms.

What we're doing here online isn't special. You don't need to be specialized to influence your own little circle. You can begin conversations with the people who follow you, the people you're connected with.

Form these little circles and talk about the relevant things of life. Because as much as you're seeing in your feed, it's not enough. There are young men struggling. Young women struggling. Marriages crumbling. And they need support.

You can be that support for someone.

This is exactly why my wife and I launched the Called Community on Heartbeat.

We've been meeting with couples (and singles) every week, talking through issues, answering questions, walking through struggles together. And we saw the need for deeper conversations. Not just throwing information at people, but staying together in a space where we can consistently check in, help each other, and weather storms together.

We wanted to create a controlled, safe environment where people of one mind can gather. Where we're all looking for the same things. Looking up to God. Helping each other.

Social media is great, but the conversation can only go so far. People need more time for deeper conversations. To ask questions and get genuine answers. To share things they wouldn't share publicly because it's not secure.

So we built the Called Community. A space where young people can gather and help each other do marriage right.

We don't think we're experts. We're just creating the platform where people can walk together. And we'd love for you to join us.

Now, I can hear the objections. Some of you are thinking:

"Thomas, you don't know what happened to me. I trusted a group of friends, a group of people I was in community with, and they betrayed my trust. I got hurt by a church I used to go to. I thought they had my best interest, and they didn't."

I acknowledge that. I really do. Some of you have been through painful experiences with community. And it's hard to open up again after that kind of hurt. The wounds are real. The hesitation is valid.

But here's what I also know by wisdom: it still doesn't change the fact that you can't do marriage or life on an island.

You need help. Everybody needs somebody at some point.

And while we can appreciate the bad or sad experiences you've been through, we can also hold that against the wisdom that says: even though I've experienced this, there's still value in helping and being helped. In loving and being loved. In contributing and receiving others' contributions.

Don't let your past experiences downplay the wisdom of dwelling together in community.

Yes, you've been hurt. But isolation will hurt you more. Bitterness will hurt you more. Refusing to trust anyone again will hurt you more.

Find safe people. Test the waters slowly. But don't shut yourself off completely.

Because the enemy's goal isn't just to hurt you once. It's to keep you isolated forever. And isolation makes you vulnerable to far worse than betrayal. It makes you vulnerable to despair, resentment, and a slow death of hope.

So here's my encouragement to you:

Don't do marriage alone. Don't exist on an island.

Find a community. Or be the initiator of one.

Reach out to a couple you respect. Set up a time to connect. Ask real questions. Share real struggles. Pray together.

And if you're looking for a place to start, join the Called Community. We're gathering young adults who want to grow, who want support, who want to walk this journey together.

Because we believe strong marriages aren't built in isolation. They're built in community. With God at the center and people around you who are committed to helping you thrive.

Don't wait. Take the step today. You weren't meant to do this alone.