There is a quiet crisis happening in many marriages, including Christian ones.
On the surface, everything looks fine. Bills are paid. Kids are cared for. Church is attended. No major scandals. No obvious explosions.
But beneath the surface, many wives are carrying far more than they were ever meant to carry. Emotional weight. Spiritual initiative. Relational maintenance. Vision for the home. Prayer. Peacemaking. Direction.
And many husbands do not even realize it is happening. And if they do, they don’t attend to it with the level of urgency it deserves.
The Problem Is Not Malice. It Is Abdication.
Most men who abdicate responsibility in marriage are not cruel. They are not intentionally selfish. They are often good men who love their wives and want peace in their homes.
But peace is not the same thing as leadership.
Silence is not the same thing as wisdom.
And passivity is not neutrality. It is a decision.
From the very beginning, God assigned responsibility before He ever spoke of authority.
“Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.”
Before sin entered the world. Before Eve was deceived. Adam was charged with keeping, guarding, cultivating, and protecting what God had entrusted to him.
Leadership was not a result of the Fall. Abdication was.
Headship Was Never About Control
Ephesians 5 has been misunderstood, abused, and avoided all at once.
Some use it to dominate. Others avoid it entirely out of fear. The common denominator is both miss the point.
Biblical headship is not about power. It is about responsibility before God.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”
Christ did not lead the Church by disengaging. He led by laying down His life.
Now, let that sink in.
If a husband’s leadership does not look like sacrifice, initiative, and presence, it is not Christlike leadership.
When Men Abdicate, Women Compensate
Here is a hard truth many husbands need to hear.
When a man does not carry spiritual and emotional responsibility, his wife will eventually pick it up. Not because she wants to dominate. Not always because she lacks respect. But because someone has to carry the weight.
Over time, this creates exhaustion. Resentment. Loneliness. A quiet grief that says, “I wish I did not have to do this alone.”
Respect erodes not because the man is imperfect, but because he is absent.
This is why honoring a wife’s sacrifice must never become an excuse for male passivity. Sacrifice should be met with support, not silence.
Called to Marriage Means Ordered Responsibility
At Called to Marriage, we believe marriage is not a contract. It is a covenant before God. And in a covenant, responsibility is not negotiated. It is received.
“But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”
This is not a hierarchy of value. It is an order of responsibility.
Husbands answer first before God for the spiritual climate of their homes.
That does not mean wives are weak. It means husbands are accountable.
Marriage flourishes when both husband and wife submit first to Christ, and then walk faithfully in the roles He has assigned.
Leadership Looks Like Initiative, Not Perfection
Many men hesitate because they feel unqualified. They wait until they feel ready. Until they feel confident. Until they feel spiritual enough.
But leadership is not about feeling ready. It is about being willing.
Leadership looks like initiating prayer even when it feels awkward.
It looks like protecting peace instead of winning arguments.
It looks like repenting first.
It looks like setting direction instead of drifting.
It looks like paying attention to the state of your home.
Be diligent to know the state of your flocks, and attend to your herds.
A husband who pays attention changes everything. Paying attention is the first step to indicate you care.
A Call to Husbands
Stop waiting to be asked.
Stop outsourcing spiritual leadership to your wife.
Stop assuming silence equals agreement or peace.
Your wife should not have to carry the emotional and spiritual load alone.
Not because she is incapable, but because you are called.
“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”
Marriage does not need more men who know Scripture. It needs more men who obey it.
A Gentle Invitation
This is why we do what we do.
Called to Marriage exists for couples who want to take their covenant seriously. For husbands who want to lead with humility and strength. For wives who want to walk in peace, support, and biblical order without carrying everything alone.
You were not meant to figure this out by trial and error. You were meant to grow within the wisdom of God and the support of community.
If this resonates with you, we invite you to walk with us. Join our Called Community. Learn with us. Grow with us.
Strong marriages build strong families.
Strong families build strong communities.
And strong communities change the world.
This is the calling.
And it is worth answering.