The Leadership Principle Jesus Taught That Most Leaders Ignore

One of the most powerful leadership principles I’ve ever learned came from studying the life of Jesus.

Several years ago, I did a character study on Christ, and as you might expect, I came away with a wealth of insights. Jesus can teach us, and still teaches us, a great deal from His life and teachings.

But one principle stood out to me with particular force: the value of intentionally seeking feedback. Especially when you’re leading people. When you occupy a place of influence. When others are looking to you for direction.

Let me show you what I mean.

In Matthew 16, starting at verse 13, Jesus sits with His disciples and asks them a question:

The disciples respond with various observations. Some say John the Baptist. Others say Elijah, or Jeremiah, or one of the prophets.

But then Jesus asks them directly:

And Peter answers with that famous confession: “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

Now, here’s what strikes me about this moment. Jesus didn’t need their feedback. He knew exactly who He was. He didn’t suffer from an identity crisis. He wasn’t insecure about His mission or uncertain about His calling.

And yet, He asked.

He created space for His followers to articulate what they saw, what they understood, and how they perceived Him.

That’s leadership. Not fragile, ego driven posturing. But secure, confident, humble leadership that values the perspective of those being led.

Let me take you back to my college years at the University of Ghana.

I was part of the Ghana Methodist Students Union, and I had the privilege of serving in leadership on what we called the SICE committee, Students in Church Evangelism. Every year during school recess, we would organize a group of students to travel to a remote town or village, camp there for several days, interact with the community, share the gospel, and in some cases, plant a church.

It was a massive operation. I served as one of two organizing secretaries and also doubled as the chairman of the transport team. Looking back, it was an incredible opportunity that nurtured me as a leader far more than anything I learned in a classroom.

But it was also complex. We had to scout locations for feasibility studies. Draw up budgets. Coordinate logistics. Arrange food and transportation for dozens of students traveling to unfamiliar places. Every piece had to work together, or the whole operation would fall apart.

And here’s what I learned quickly: it was too costly to not value feedback.

I needed it. Desperately.

I didn’t want to press forward with a plan only to look back later and realize I had missed a critical problem that someone on my team had spotted but didn’t feel safe bringing to my attention.

So I made it a practice to connect with my team members whenever I sensed hesitation or reluctance to share an opinion. I didn’t just tell them I valued feedback. I created a culture where feedback was expected, welcomed, and acted upon.

I genuinely cared about their lives. Their relationships. Their financial conditions. Their personal struggles. And that intimacy created the trust necessary for honest communication.

Because here’s the truth:

If they think you’re going to dismiss them, belittle them, or punish them for speaking up, they’ll stay silent. And their silence will cost you.

So if seeking feedback is so valuable, why do so many leaders avoid it?

I think it comes down to three core issues: insecurity, fear, and pride.

Insecurity says, “If I ask for feedback, people will see my weaknesses. They’ll lose confidence in me. They’ll question whether I’m qualified to lead.”

But that’s backwards. Insecurity is what makes you avoid feedback. Security is what allows you to seek it.

When you’re secure in your identity, when you know who you are before God and you’re not dependent on people’s validation, you can ask, “What do you think? Where can I improve? What am I missing?”

Because you’re not asking to find your worth. You’re asking to grow in wisdom.

Fear says, “If I open the door to feedback, people will criticize me. They’ll point out my failures. And I’ll have to face things I’d rather ignore.”

Yes. That’s exactly what will happen. And that’s a good thing.

Honest feedback, even when it stings, is a gift. It’s what helps you see blind spots you can’t see on your own. It’s what prevents small issues from becoming catastrophic failures.

Pride says, “I don’t need their input. I know what I’m doing. I’m the leader. They should trust me and follow.”

But that’s not leadership. That’s dictatorship. And it breeds resentment, disengagement, and ultimately, failure.

Prideful leaders surround themselves with yes men and silence dissent. Humble leaders invite input and value diverse perspectives.

Which kind of leader do you want to be?

When you intentionally seek feedback, you communicate several powerful things to the people you’re leading.

You communicate that you’re secure.

Insecure leaders can’t handle critique. Secure leaders welcome it. When you ask for feedback, you’re essentially saying, “I’m confident enough in who I am to hear what you think, even if it’s uncomfortable.”

And that security is contagious. It creates an atmosphere of trust.

You communicate that you value them.

When you ask someone for their perspective, you’re saying, “What you think matters. Your observations are valuable. I don’t just see you as someone who follows orders. I see you as someone with insight worth hearing.”

That kind of recognition transforms relationships. People don’t just feel used. They feel seen.

You communicate that you’re willing to grow.

Leaders who never ask for feedback communicate that they’ve arrived. That they have nothing left to learn. That they’re above correction.

But leaders who seek feedback communicate humility, teachability, and a commitment to ongoing growth.

Wisdom listens. Foolishness assumes it already knows.

Now, let me bring this home. Literally.

I practice this principle in my marriage. I sit with my wife and ask, “What do you think about the way I do things? Where can I improve? What do you need from me that you’re not getting?”

And I listen. Really listen. Not to defend. Not to explain. Not to justify. Just to understand.

I also do this with my son, Charlie. And it’s remarkable what he tells me.

For example I’ll ask him, “Charlie, what do you think fatherhood is about? What do you think about Daddy?”

And he’ll say things like, “Daddy works hard. Daddy loves me. Daddy always cares about me.”

But he’ll also point out, from his perspective, the value of the work I’m doing in our household and in his life. And sometimes, he’ll reveal things I didn’t realize he was noticing. Things I need to adjust. Things I’m doing well that I should keep doing.

Children have a way of seeing truth we adults miss. And when we create space for them to speak it, we gain wisdom we wouldn’t have otherwise.

This isn’t about undermining parental authority. It’s about stewarding it well. It’s about leading in a way that honors the people you’re leading.

Part of not provoking your children is actually listening to them. Valuing their voice. Teaching them that their thoughts and feelings matter.

The same applies to your spouse. To your team at work. To anyone you have influence over.

So how do you do this practically? Let me give you a simple framework.

1. Ask specific questions.
Don’t just say, “Do you have any feedback?” That’s too vague. People won’t know what you’re asking for.

Instead, ask things like:
“How do you feel about the way I handled that situation?”
“Is there anything I’m doing that makes you feel unheard or undervalued?”
“What’s one thing I could do differently that would help you feel more supported?”

Specific questions get specific answers.

2. Create a safe environment.
If people think their honesty will be punished, they won’t be honest. So make it clear that you genuinely want to hear what they have to say, even if it’s critical.

Say things like:
“I really want to know what you think. You won’t hurt my feelings.”
“I’m asking because I trust your perspective, and I want to grow.”

And then prove it. Don’t get defensive when they share something hard to hear. Thank them. Process it. Act on it if it’s valid.

3. Follow up.
Seeking feedback isn’t a one time event. It’s a rhythm. A practice.

Check in regularly. Let people know, “You told me last month that I was doing X, and I’ve been working on it. How am I doing now?”

That shows you’re serious. That you’re not just asking to check a box. You’re asking because you genuinely want to lead well.

4. Be willing to act on what you hear.
If you ask for feedback and then ignore it, you’ve done more harm than good. You’ve communicated that you don’t actually care.

You don’t have to implement every suggestion. But you do need to consider it thoughtfully and, when appropriate, make changes.

Wisdom doesn’t just hear. It acts.

Here’s what I’ve discovered: when you intentionally seek feedback from the people around you, you’re essentially connecting minds.

You’re tapping into a wealth of wisdom and knowledge that you alone, as an individual, could never produce.

If you check in with this person, hear what they have to say, check in with that person, listen to their perspective, you’re amassing collective insight that sharpens your leadership exponentially.

It’s like building a mosaic. Each person contributes a piece. And together, you see a picture you couldn’t have seen on your own.

Don’t write people off. Don’t assume you already know everything. Don’t tell yourself, “I don’t live my life based on what people say.”

That’s only partially true. You shouldn’t live your life controlled by others’ opinions. But you should absolutely listen to the people God has placed around you.

Safety. Wisdom. Growth. All of it comes through the humility of listening.

So here’s my challenge.

This week, sit down with someone you’re leading. Your spouse. Your child. A team member. A friend.

And ask them, “What do you think? How am I doing? Where can I improve?”

Then listen. Don’t defend. Don’t explain. Don’t justify. Just listen.

Thank them for their honesty. Process what they said. And if it’s valid, act on it.

Do that consistently, and you’ll become the kind of leader people trust, respect, and willingly follow.

At Called to Marriage, we believe that strong marriages and strong leadership are built on humility, trust, and the courage to seek truth even when it’s uncomfortable.

If you’re ready to lead with wisdom and build a marriage rooted in genuine connection, join the Called Community.

Share this with someone who needs to hear it. And take the step today.

Value feedback. It’s what Jesus did. And it’s what secure leaders do.