Oneness Is the Victory

If you are married, this truth could save your marriage. If you are not married yet, understanding it now will set you up for lasting success in marriage.

Most people misunderstand marriage. They think success is something to achieve in the future only if they communicate well enough, love deeply enough, or go on dates enough. While all those are good, there’s more to how God designed marriage.

In marriage, you begin with what I call “the trophy”: oneness, unity, harmony, togetherness. God’s wisdom is profound. He gives every couple the highest prize from day one.

This does not mean the journey is complete at the wedding. Experiencially, marriage is a process. True experience of oneness develops over time as you learn to navigate life together. Yet the foundation is already laid. Between you, your spouse, and God, a covenant has been formed. You are one flesh in principle, and that oneness is your starting point, your trophy.

This concept mirrors salvation. When a person believes in Christ, righteousness is declared over them instantly, even as sanctification takes time. Similarly, your marriage begins with God’s declaration: you are one. That is the victory you hold from day one. As Scripture says,

Many couples spend their entire marriage chasing a trophy they already have. They act as if they still need to earn oneness on their own terms. This misunderstanding sets the wrong tone for everything else in marriage.

When you recognize that oneness is already given by virtue of your covenant as pronounced by God, you understand that every challenge, trial, or temptation you face is aimed at breaking that oneness. That is why the enemy works so hard against marriages. Even brand-new marriages carry God’s most precious gift: unity.

Consider a sports analogy. A champion boxer does not fight the next match to win the belt again. A Champions League-winning soccer team does not compete to win the trophy again. They compete to defend it. They don’t fight or compete as underdogs or amateurs. Marriage works the same way. You have been given victory. Your oneness is the trophy. Your task is to defend it.

There is no true oneness in marriage apart from Christ. While a husband and wife are made one flesh through covenant, that oneness cannot be sustained if it is not anchored in Him.

Marriage is first a covenant before the Lord, not merely a contract between two people. Scripture reminds us that “unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it” (Psalm 127:1, NKJV). When Christ is not the foundation, couples often try to build the superstructure of their marriage on weaker grounds such as compatibility, shared goals, financial success, or emotional fulfillment. Those foundations cannot bear the full weight of covenant.

When I speak of defending your oneness, I am not simply talking about protecting harmony or avoiding conflict. I am speaking about upholding your covenant in the Lord, the very One in whom your marriage is held together. Scripture says,

That includes marriage!

To defend your oneness, then, is to cherish and honor the sacredness of your covenant before a holy and sovereign God. It is to remain submitted to Christ together first, not as two individuals pulling in different spiritual directions, but as one body pursuing Him with shared devotion.

This is why oneness weakens when couples drift spiritually. When prayer fades, when obedience becomes selective, when Christ is no longer the reference point, unity begins to erode quietly. But when a husband and wife hold hands and walk toward God together, something powerful happens. Their oneness is reinforced not by effort alone, but by grace.

Christ is not an accessory to marriage. He is the strongest witness of the covenant and the only One capable of holding it together in timeless inexplicable joy and peace.

To defend your oneness is to defend your shared life in Christ. It is to say, again and again, that your marriage belongs first to God, and that together, as husband and wife, you will pursue Him as the source, sustainer, and protector of your unity.

This truth changes how you view your marriage. When conflict arises, you no longer see your spouse as the problem. You see both of you against whatever is trying to pull you apart.

Too often, husbands see their wives as the problem, and wives see their husbands as theirs. In reality, you are teammates; even more than that — you are one. Understanding this defense framework shifts your approach from individual frustration to shared purpose. As Ecclesiastes reminds us,

Unity matters more than individual pace. If one spouse is running at 100 and the other at 40, the marriage becomes unbalanced. But if both run at 50 together, unity is maintained. Then you can gradually grow together. From 50 to 60 to 70, you strengthen your marriage without leaving one behind.

This principle allows couples to increase their love, faith, and understanding together while staying connected. It creates a rhythm where marriage becomes a shared journey instead of a race with one winner.

Oneness is the most important thing in marriage. When it is lost, the marriage is lost. Couples who fail to protect unity often drift apart and end up divorced.

When you remain united, you are already winning. Success in marriage is not a distant goal. It is defending and valuing the unity God has given you already.

If you are not married yet, keep this truth in your heart. When you marry, you start with the trophy. Prepare to defend it.

If you are already married, it is not too late. Fight for your oneness. Nothing; circumstances, conflict, or misunderstandings—should separate you. Your oneness is the emblem of your victory, joy, togetherness, and success. Protect it with honor, diligence, compassion, mutual respect, and care.

When you do this, you will enjoy your marriage, raise a godly home, and experience the fullness of what God intended when He created marriage. Maintaining your unity is the greatest act of love you can show your spouse and God.